Keith Richards Biography
Although Keith Richards' exact date of birth is unknown, it is widely documented that he passed away in the mid-to-late 1980's (possibly 1987). Recent blood tests on his still-touring corpse have shown that the reason he has been able to continue touring the world after his death is due to the fact that since the release of "Let it Bleed" in 1969, Richards' blood has been completely converted to Liquid Blow, as he calls it.
This change appears to have granted Keith Richards the gift of eternal life, though not eternal youth, though it is expected that within the next fifty years Richards will be granted the ability to teleport himself from one place to another at will.
Sources are unclear as to how said blow entered Keith Richards' blood stream. One report speculates that it came from an unnamed sour apple sucker with a delicious bubble gum center.
That report remains unconfirmed despite repeated calls to Keith Richard's publicist.
Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger declined to comment on the band's inexplicably long-lasting success because he, too, died many many years ago. He did, however, mutter something practically indiscernible in Olde English that included the words "-ello!" and "Gov'nah!".
After selling all that he owned to a local pawn broker or auctioning it off for charity, Keith Richards discovered an intense and lasting love for abstract art.
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